I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
