she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
