she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
