If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
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