Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
