I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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