Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
third nipple confirmed
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Randomize
