The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you didnt know i had herpes?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
