I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
