Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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