He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
