Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
