Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
