I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
