Where did you get a picture of my penis
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
