I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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