So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
