Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
