i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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