You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
