and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
