First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
