Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
