So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
