i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
