I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
