everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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