He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i would one night stand the shit outta him
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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