So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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