im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
