cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
