New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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