dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
