how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize