fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She needs sedatives and a leash
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
