I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Randomize
