She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
