I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
