god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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