i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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