when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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