she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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