this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize