I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
