btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
