And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
