I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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