Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Randomize
