i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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