I love black thongs
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Hippo gnu deer
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
