My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
