I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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