i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
it's great music for shaving your balls
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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