my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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