Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
