Got a toothbrush?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
