youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
