Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
