They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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