I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
