I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
