Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
