omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
